i recently started an intensive outpatient program, or IOP, here in philadelphia.

i have been incredibly fucking depressed for the past few weeks. in some ways i seem very functional to myself: i started a new job and have been receiving regular paychecks. i’ve been able to pay rent and bills and buy groceries. today, i treated myself to new cologne from portland general store and beard balm from the honest amish. i might be getting a car soon. but there is a lingering voice – one that is growing louder with every passing day – that keeps telling me that none of this is worth it.