gerard way & billie joe armstrong: bisexual punk boy role models

i’ve been trying to get access to my old xanga for the past few days. it was the first online journal i kept, and i blogged on it rather religiously throughout 7th, 8th, and 9th grade before gradually graduating to my livejournal. xanga saw me through a lot: two crushes, including my first on a girl (my croatian classmate laura); coming out to myself as queer via dual obsessions with emma watson and scarlett johannson; a nightmarish two weeks at a sleepaway camp in the catskills; a botched suicide attempt; a short stint feigning a british accent; many many playlists and plans for mix CDs filled with mostly emo and postpunk. i remember the first song i ever attached to my xanga, the one that would play whenever the page loaded: “lover i don’t have to love” by bright eyes.

when i try to sign into my old blog, it’s not there. instead, i’m presented with a page of instructions. first, an assurance: “We’ve saved your blog archives for you!” all i need to do is either: sign into my old blog and download the old archives (sounds easy enough) or upgrade to xanga 2.0

i’m afraid i’m never going to be able to access my xanga again, and those memories will be gone.

this is all to say that i want to access a time in my life when i was trying to come to terms with myself as a young bisexual person and a young punk person, and that there is a reason i wanted my first two tattoos to be green day’s heart grenade and my chemical romance’s demolition lovers.

  • Green Day’s lead singer reportedly opened up about his bisexuality in a 1995 interview with “The Advocate,” and had this to say: “I think I’ve always been bisexual.

 

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there’s a surprising amount of gerard-billie joe content on the internet, which i find to be fabulous.

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